


Girls Joke Party

by TheShinySword



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pico Style Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2020-11-09 04:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20847461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShinySword/pseuds/TheShinySword
Summary: A collection of Garupa Pico styled drabbles, updated whenever the joke spirit takes me.Latest: Afterglow Finds a Cigarette — Afterglow Finds a Cigarette





	1. Boys Band Party

**Author's Note:**

> I figured it'd be better to keep all my thousand word and under comedy sketches in one place. Of course now that I've gotten around to it I'm sure I'll never write another one.

“If Tomoe was a guy, I’d totally fall in love with him,” Himari declared suddenly to her friends gathered around their usual table in the corner of Hazawa coffee.

The other members of Afterglow, save Tsugumi who was hurriedly delivering drinks around the cafe, stared back at Himari in silence, each trying to figure out how exactly Himari had arrived at that conclusion from their conversation on their next live show. Tomoe broke the silence.

“But I’m a girl,” Tomoe sighed, “and you’re already in love with me. You tell me that, constantly. We’ve been dating for three years?”

“It’s just like— it’s like if you were a guy I’d fall in love with you anyway! It’s romantic! Plus you’d be a super cool, super hot guy I just know it!”

“That’s—”

“I see it~ I see it~” Moca wandered in the conversation, “Tomo instead of Tomoe.”

“Eh?”

“Yeah! Tomo!” Himari agreed excitedly, happy to have a partner for this fantasy, “He’s got cool short hair.”

“Like Tomo-chin in middle school.”

“And has tough scary eyes!”

“Like Tomo-chin right now.”

“He plays the drums and taiko!” Himari counted the Tomo’s totally original characteristics on her fingers, “He’s always nice to old people and is good at carrying heavy stuff! Plus, he’s totally in love with me!”

Ran finally joined the conversation, “You’re just describing Tomoe with male pronouns.”

“Um… he’s taller?”

Tomoe crossed her arms, “Is there really anything Tomo can do that I can’t?

“I’ve got it! Playing taiko shirtless without getting arrested!”

“That’s just disrespectful."

“Hii-chan~ Hii-chan~ you have to think deeper. If Tomoe was a guy, he’d never meet all of us and learn the magic of friendship. He’d probably fall to a life of crime,” Moca dramatically sniffed over her coffee. “Moca-chan’s heart breaks just thinking about it.”

Himari nodded, “Tomo’s a delinquent! The kind of guy always going around like ‘eh, whatchu looking at’ and spitting in the road!”

“This is no good Tomo,” Moca scolded the imaginary man, “you have to go to class, you’ll never graduate like this.”

“He just wants someone to understand him!” Tears welled up in Himari’s eyes, “so he plays taiko in the moonlight, hoping someone will hear his drum and join in!”

The friends fell silent again, Moca and Himari imagining poor Tomo’s lonely life, Tomoe wondering how long this conversation was going to last.

“Guys, this is a bit much,” Tomoe chuckled uncomfortably, “Right Ran?”

Ran nodded, “It is.”

“Exactly—”

“If Tomoe’s a guy, wouldn’t we all be guys too? We’d just be friends as boys instead of girls.”

“Of course!” Himari clapped her hands together, “Tomo will be fine! He’s still got a cute childhood friend by his side!”

“Himari as a boy...” The image of a short, adorable, plump boy with round cheeks and cropped hair passed through Tomoe’s mind.

“Tomoe, Tomoe what’s my name?”

Tomoe struggled to imagine an appropriate name for the rolly-polly in her head, “Himashi.”

“Tomoe, you’ve lost your naming privileges.”

Moca stepped in. “Hii-chan would be Hii-kun~ it’s that easy~”

“Hii-kun huh...” Tomoe’s brow furrowed. After putting far too much thought into it she sighed, “I don’t think I could fall for him.”

“Tooomooee!” Himari whined. “But you have to!”

“Even if he’s like you in every way, he’s still a guy, ya know?”

“Hii-kun can’t help being a guy!”

“Wait! If I’m Tomo then Hii-kun is definitely my type!”

Himari perked up, “That make total sense! Tomo and Hii-kun together forever!”

“Hey, Moca,” Ran tugged at Moca’s sleeve. “What would my name be?”

“Run.”

“Denied.”

Himari ran with Run, “He still spends all his time on the school roof but instead of using the stairs he totally climbs up there from a classroom window.”

“Woah!” Tomoe eyes gleamed with admiration for a fake version of her actual friend, “Run is super strong. What a cool guy!”

“Of course that means Moca would be—”

“Cappuccino,” Moca grinned.

“Cappuccino,” Ran repeated under her breath.

Moca’s ears perked. “Ran~ are you picturing Cappuccino’s hot bod? You know, he definitely has a six pack. All the bread goes riiight to his muscles.”

Ran fiddled with the edge of a napkin, blushing, “...no matter what you looked like, Moca would still be Moca… the person I love.”

“R-Ran,” Moca grabbed at her heart, “Cappuccino loves Run too!”

“Please give him another name.”

Tsugumi appeared by the side of the table, clearing their empty plates, “You guys are so lively today.”

“What about Tsugu?” Tomoe turned to the others.

“Hmm? What about me?”

The girls around the table tried to picture it.

“Tsugu is still tsuguriffic no matter what,” Moca nodded, “but I can’t picture it.”

“No! No!” Himari shook her head wildly, “I don’t want our super cute Tsugu to be a guy!”

“But then it’s four guys and one Tsugu!” Tomoe protested, “That’s not fair.”

“I’ve got it! We thought it was boys’ love but it’s actually a reverse-harem shoujo manga!”

“I’m okay with that,” Ran nodded solemnly.

“Same!” Tomoe agreed, “I’d definitely fall for Tsugu!”

“Tsugu~ please pick Cappuccino.”

Tsugumi smiled in her warm Tsuguriffic manner, “I don’t know what’s happening but I promise to do my best as the main character!”

Afterglow laughed, content in knowing somewhere out there was an alternate universe where there were four guys laughing about an alternate universe where they were all girls.

“By the way, did you guys figure out the theme for our next live?” Tsugumi asked.

The four turned to Tsugumi in unison:

“Boys band party.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little they knew, at the next table over Sayo had already completed a twelve page essay about Tsugumo and his devoted boyfriend Sayon. 
> 
> It's fun to write pieces that are almost completely dialog, though my prose will never get better if I keep doing it... is this actually "Girls Self-Indulgent Party"? Probably. Oh well, see you next time!


	2. Viva La PasuPa Revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of Pastel Palette ponder what exactly a PasuPa Revolution is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up one morning with one question on my mind: "What is a PasuPa Revolution?"

“So what IS a PasuPa revolution?”

The question entered the studio before Hina giving her bandmates enough time to stop their practice preparations to stare blankly at their most eccentric member.

“What do you mean?” Chisato bit the bullet for the others and asked the question they all were wondering.

“Like, in the song, what does PasuPa Revolution mean?” Hina’s head tilted, “We sing these songs all the time but I don’t really get what they mean, you know?”

“They’re just nice sounding lyrics written by the agency. It’s not really the sort of thing you have to worry about.”

“That’s true but...” Maya hesitantly interjected, “we do sing these songs all the time. Isn’t it a good idea to know what they’re about?”

“Yeah!” Hina, validated by Maya’s interest, took off with the topic, “Like what if the PasuPa Revolution is really a call to arms! Like rise up boys and girls and join the revolution!”

Chisato sighed, “And what exactly are we revolting against?”

Hina’s brow scrunched up in concentration. A moment passed, then another before… “I don’t know! Society, I guess.”

“Just generally society?”

“The PasuProletariat must rise up against the bourgeois pigs?”

“Huhehe,” Maya laughed, “I think that’s too much for an idol song. Though Eve did say she wants to take over Japan...”

“Perhaps we will never know.” Chisato tried to neatly transition them away from the topic. “Now we can—”

“It’s about the Boshin War!” Eve shouted, dashing Chisato’s hopes of a productive session. “PasuPa Revolution is a metaphor for the revolution that ended the Tokugawa Shogunate and ushered in the Meiji Restoration!”

“I-it is?”

“If you think about the lyrics, doesn’t it sound just like the sort of thing Isami Kondo would have told the Shinsengumi before the battle of Toba-Fushimi?”

Hina looked doubtful, “Would the leader of the Shinsengumi really say ‘If we mix our colors together wouldn’t it make a nice color?’”

“Metaphorically!”

“It’s not possible,” Maya added with finality. “PasuPa Revolution is from the perspective of the revolutionary and the Shinsengumi were pro-shogunate!”

Eve looked disappointed, “You’re right.”

“Hey hey, Aya what do you think?” Hina bounced over to Aya, who had been unusually quiet throughout the vigorous debate.

“M-Me?” Aya gulped. “Oh, I don’t really know.”

“But you sing the words! You’ve gotta have an opinion!”

“… isn’t it about like spinning?”

“Huh?”

“I always thought the PasuPa Revolution is like… a dance move? You know PasuPa—” Aya demonstrated, spinning around on the spot and landing on one foot, arms outstretched in what she definitely thought was a charming pose. “—Revolution!”

The other four members of the band tried to hold in their laughter, to varying degrees of success.

“That’s why I didn’t want to say anything!”

“Maybe it’s a pun,” Maya offered. “Pastel Palettes is shortened to PasuPare. So PasuPa Revolution should actually be one word or...”

“Or it’s actually PasuPare Volution!” Hina grinned proudly. “What’s a volution?”

Maya’s phone was already in hand, “A volution is a rolling or revolving motion.”

“I told you it was a dance move!” Aya protested.

“It’s not supposed to be PasuPare Volution!” Chisato voice rang over everyone’s rising voices. “It’s not even PasuPa Revolution. It’s PasuPa Revolutions. It’s plural!”

“Oh...” The group murmured in understanding.

“So it embodies the revolutionary spirit of all peoples across the world!” Eve clutched her heart, “from Japan to France to America and beyond. Everyone can join the PasuPa Revolution! Worldwide domination!”

“It’d be super boppin’ to spread the PasuPa Revolution, wouldn’t it?” Hina spread her arms wide. “Chisato, could you tell the staff?”

“...tell them what exactly?”

“That it’s time for the PasuPa Revolution!”

Tickets to Pastel Palettes’ limited live “Viva La PasuPa Revolutions” sold out almost immediately. Fans fondly remember Aya’s Marie Antoinette inspired costume though they were less enthused by Hina’s George Washington attire, complete with period appropriate powdered wig. The concert was unfortunately cut short when the other members of PasuPare had to stop Hina from using Aya to give a live demonstration of a guillotine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had some writer's block recently, sometimes you just have to write something incredibly stupid to get the writing juices flowing. Hopefully, someone else enjoys terrible history jokes and bad wordplay.


	3. The Hugless Hikawas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsugumi teaches Sayo how to hug, Hina is delighted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so stupid but I couldn't stop thinking about it all day.

What on earth were they doing? Sayo’s eyes narrowed as she stared across Hazawa Coffee. Sayo was usually the type to keep strictly to herself but she couldn’t for the life of her understand what Eve and Tsugumi were doing in the corner. It looked like they were fighting—no they were both smiling. Perhaps Eve was demonstrating a fighting technique, she was fond of such things and the way she moved her arms around Tsugumi’s torso could be some sort of grapple.

Ridiculous, what interest would Tsugumi have in such things? No, whatever the rational was there was no room for idle assumptions. Sayo would handle this with the maturity expected of one in her station: by waiting for Eve to coincidentally pass by so she could casually inquire after their activities without seeming too eager. It was very imperative to not seem eager.

“Wakamiya-san,” Sayo called out to the eager Finn. “What were you doing with Hazawa-san before?”

Eve looked curious, “What do you mean?”

“That thing,” Sayo tried to approximate the motion, it appeared she was trying to lift an invisible boulder, “with your arms?”

“Oh! The hug!”

“The hug?” Sayo wracked her brain for a definition, “Yes, I believe I have heard of such a thing.”

She had not.

Eve clapped her hands together, “Would you like me to show yo—”

A sound like galloping horses crashed through the coffee shop. Two small arms shoved Eve to the side revealing Tsugumi red faced and sweating, “Eve-chan, please stay in your lane.”

“Hazawa-san?”

“I can show you Sayo-san!” Tsugumi tugged Sayo out of her chair, shouting.

“Alright?” Sayo waited for Tsugumi to do something.

The barista fidgeted with her apron, suddenly embarrassed. Were hugs embarrassing? Perhaps Sayo could live without a hug.

Sayo was just about to tell Tsugumi to call the whole hugging experience off when those two arms that had previously pushed Eve to the side were wrapped around Sayo instead. Suddenly, there was a load of pressure around her waist but it wasn’t uncomfortable, really it was very pleasant.

“And then you put your arms around me too.”

There were multiple steps to this hugging thing. Interesting. Sayo eyed her arms, hanging uselessly at her sides. She tried to will them upwards, but she could only manage to wiggle them a little bit.

Finally, Tsugumi released Sayo with a light pat on the back. “You’ve really never been hugged? Not even by your parents. Or Hina-senpai?”

Sayo shrugged, “Our parents were not… affectionate.”

Tsugumi shook her head with a sigh, “That explains so much about you two.”

An odd idea grew in Sayo’s brain, “Hazawa-san… do you think Hina would like to be hugged?”

“I think that’s almost exactly the only thing she wants."

* * *

Finding an opportunity to hug Hina was somehow trickier than she expected. They weren’t in the same school or same band and they hardly fraternized extracurricularly. So Sayo was forced to do what she had long forbidden Hina from: enter her sister’s room.

Hina’s face traveled through many emotions as her sister entered, arms outstretched. First elation, then curiosity and finally, just as Sayo was within hugging range of her startled sibling: fear?

Whack! Sharp pain seared through Sayo’s hand. For one blinking moment she was totally bewildered by the mystery of the source and then—

“Hina! Why did you hit me?”

Hina balked, “I-I’m sorry! You raised your hand and I thought—”

“You thought I was going to hit you?” Sayo gawked.

“That is normally why you raise you hand.”

“I was going to hug you!”

Hina’s eyes widened to saucers. “Boppin’,” she whispered breathlessly. Hina threw her arms out wide, “Do it again! I’m ready!”

Sayo breathed deep and reached her hand out again—

WHACK!

“Hina!”

“I’m sorry Sis! My reflexes are just so sharp! This time for sure!”

“The moment has passed,” Sayo huffed, crossing her arms.

“Nooo~ Come on let’s do it! Let’s hug it out!” the stars in Hina’s eyes were glowing. “Sis~” Hina shuffled forward like a mummy, “I’m going to do it.”

“Hina. No,” but Sayo let her arms fall to her sides.

“Zoom zoom! I’m coming in!” Hina fell forward, arms spread around Sayo. Her head got stuck on Sayo’s shoulder as the rest of her body was propped up at a 45 degree angle, hands slowly squeezing closer to Sayo’s torso.

“Do _you_ know how to hug?”

“You just put your arms together and squeeze!”

Hina’s arms were coming closer, they were almost there. Her hands were almost touching around Sayo’s back. Sayo braced herself for a rough, spine breaking embrace. Except, instead two arms softly enveloped her in a bubble of sisterly affection.

“H-hina.”

“Chisato-chan’s been teaching me about restraint! Sometimes I can go a little whoosh, whoosh now instead of VAVOOM!”

Sayo could feel Hina’s grin. Her own lips curved up in a smile. This was… nice. Hugging was… nice. It would be even better if she could return the affection. Sayo mechanically forced her arms up, still bent at the elbows. Just a little bit further, she urged her body. She was pleased with the satisfactory hugging position. Except she still wasn’t hugging Hina back.

To a passerby it would appear half the pair was having a lovely moment, while the other was doing the robot. But to Sayo this was the apex of her relationship with her twin sister. She just had to follow through.

Come on Sayo, you can do it Sayo! Her right hand snapped into position. Perhaps a bit too firmly judging from the way Hina winced but still… it was a hug.

Well, it was half a hug, her left arm immediately spasmed out and away from Hina but Sayo would take the win where she could.

When an appropriate amount of hugging had passed (Sayo counted to ten in her head and then spent an additional ten count prying Hina off) Sayo found she felt content.

Maybe she’d be okay after all.

“Again! Sis! Let’s hug again!”

Or maybe she’d opened a pandora’s box of hug hungry horrors from which she’d never escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sayo Hikawa does not know what a hug is, any evidence to the contrary will be declared a hallucination.


	4. Afterglow Finds a Cigarette

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Always Sunny theme intensifies*
> 
> CW: Teens with Cigarettes. Anachronistic references to DARE

Moca brought it into their lives, as she did most things that foretold disasters, a single cigarette lolling around an otherwise empty package. She pulled it out at Afterglow’s rooftop lunch, sometime between bun three and four, and twirled it between her fingers for a full minute before Himari stopped cold in the middle of recounting Kaoru’s latest play minute by minute (for the fifth time) to gawk in shock at her friend.

“MOCA! You smoke?”

“This?” Moca held the sin stick out for everyone to see with a wicked smile. “It’s laced with drugs.”

Himari heart stopped, “D-don’t you remember what they said about drugs in DARE?”

“DARE?” Afterglow’s resident deviant tapped the cigarette against her chin, “was that: Drugs Are Really Excellent?”

“Ha… I don’t think that was it,” Tsugumi chuckled nervously, eyes shifting between her friends.

“Yeah I think it was Drugs Are Really Exciting,” Tomoe offered with concerning earnestness.

Moca tsked, “I’m just kidding~. There are no drugs in this. Except the legal ones. I found it on the ground.” She moved the cigarette to her mouth.

Himari gasped, “DO NOT PUT THE GROUND CIGARETTE IN YOUR MOUTH!”

“But Hii-chan…” The cigarette approached dangerously close to Moca’s lips, “don’t I look super cool right now?” And in it went, tucked into the corner of her lips.

Himari silently cursed, it was true. Moca looked super cool. Without it she was Moca Aoba, disaster teen but with the cigarette she was Moca Aoba, disaster teen with attitude. Instinct made Himari pull out her phone and snap a picture.

“Himari, don’t post that,” Ran warned, “You’ll get Moca in trouble.”

“Can’t believe Ran’s worried about The Man,” Moca leaned her head back, the unlit cigarette bouncing as she spoke. “Ran’ll never be as cool as badass Moca-chan if she’s afraid of a little danger.”

“I’m not afraid of danger, I just don’t want to be expelled.”

Moca plucked the cig from her mouth and held it out to Ran, “prove it.”

“I don’t really think this is a great idea,” Tsugumi tried to reach for the thing but before she could Ran snatched it up, determined to prove she was still the resident badass.

The wannabe delinquent glared, “Fine.” And with that, she put the cigarette in her mouth. The rest of Afterglow gasped, it was as if Ran’s look was finally complete.

“Ran! Go stand at the railing!” Himari jumped to her feet, phone in hand.

Ran was too surprised at the command to disobey. She leaned against the railing, looking slightly out into the distance. “Like this.”

It was the coolest thing any of them had every seen. Suddenly all of Afterglow understood why adults tried to keep cigarettes away from all of them. Cigarettes were terrible, horrible things that gave everyone cancer but they looked awfully cool.

Himari jumped around Ran snapping dozens of photos, shouting out pose after pose in an impromptu photoshoot. When she was finally satisfied she turned to Tomoe with an evil gleam in her eyes. “Your turn.”

“Himari-chan, maybe we should stop here,” Tsugumi continued to attempt diplomacy in a situation long past logic.

Tomoe nodded, “Yeah, it’s been in two mouths now it’s gross.”

“You calling my mouth dirty,” Ran growled, the cigarette bobbing as punctuation.

“Mouths are gross.”

“You’re gross.”

“Cigarettes are gross!” Tsugumi yelled, scrambling to her feet. “Even if they are kind of cool they taste bad and give you cancer and don’t make you more mature at all!”

“… How do you know how cigarettes taste Tsugu?” Moca asked with narrowed eyes.

“H-Hey Moca, you found these at school didn’t you?” Himari turned with a shaking head to Moca, “You don’t think…”

“Tsugumi…” Ran’s mouth fell slack, the cigarette tumbling to the ground.

“That’s so not Tsuguriffic. Truly anyone can fall for the seductive allure of drug cigarettes.”

“The student council is very stressful with Hina in charge!” Tsugumi cried out before sprinting to Ran and scooping up the fallen nicotine soldier. She wound up her arm, “But never again!” and pitched the cigarette off the roof.

Or at least she tried to. Tsugumi had never been a particularly athletic person and her recent horrible habit hadn’t exactly increased her stamina. As the cigarette left her fingers it flopped more than flew and hit a gust of wind so horribly perfectly that instead of falling out to the courtyard it spun right back—

“GACK!”

—into Tsugumi’s open mouth.

Tomoe lunged for Tsugumi as she choked on the tiny tube of terror. She lifted her smaller friend in a rough attempt at the Heimlich maneuver but it was too late, Tsugumi had swallowed it.

“OH NO! CIGARETTES AREN’T COOL AT ALL!” Himari cried.

Moca bemoaned their fate. “Why didn’t anyone warn us about the horrors of Teen Smoking?!”

“Literally everyone did!”

“Don’t worry I’ve got this,” Tomoe began to shake Tsugumi up and down, spinning as she did. Tsugumi’s limbs flailed like an excited muppet at the vigorous shaking.

“Tomoe!” Ran snapped, “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna make her dizzy so she’ll barf.”

“H e l p m e.”

Between Ran, Moca and Himari, they just barely managed to save Tsugumi from Tomoe’s good intentions. Tsugumi collapsed to the ground, red faced and teary eyed. “Am I going to die?”

The other four buzzed in panic.

“What do we do?!” Himari blubbered through the tears already pouring, “Tsugu can’t DIE!”

Ran frantically scrolled through her phone, “The internet says she won’t die. Probably.”

“I guess I could punch her in the stomach?”

“Tomoe,” Moca placed a forceful hand on Tomoe’s shoulder, “you cannot punch Tsugu that is illegal.”

“That’s true.” Tomoe shrugged, “Guess Tsugu’s gonna die.”

Himari’s sobbing intensified.

“She won’t die!” Ran clenched her fist, “As long as the five of us are together we can fix anything.”

“Wow Ran,” Himari dabbed up her tears, “You looked so cool just then. And you didn’t even need a cigarette.”

“Perhaps the real lesson is we don’t need cigarettes to be cool,” Moca held her arms out to her friends, “the coolness was inside us all along. Perhaps the real DARE is Dope Afterglow Reigns Eternal.”

Tsugumi whimpered, “Please take me to the nurse.”

* * *

“So what do you think of Moca-chan’s directorial debut?” Moca leaned on the counter in CiRCLE with a pleased grin.

Marina tried to give diplomatic response “Moca, the contest is for an anti-smoking video. This is more—”

“Art?”

“...sure.”

Moca looked into the distance with misty eyes, “All true artists are misunderstood in their lifetimes.”

“Okay Moca.”


End file.
